POSITIVE PARENTING: BEING THERE, MICK KIAROS

As a father in a divorce situation, times can be rough going from a personal standpoint.

My ex-wife and I disagreed on many things, but the one thing we did agree on was that our son and his welfare be the most important factor in our decision making process. We divorced when my son was three, so while trauma was probably present, he grew up accustomed to two separate homes and didn’t know otherwise.

I grew up in a family that believes you try to make the best out of every situation, rather than dwell on the negative. This helped me a lot throughout the years. As I wasn’t the custodial parent, I was entitled to see my son every other weekend and two weeks during the summer. I would call him on Sundays when he wasn’t staying with me. Though we had joint custody, clearly the time spent between our two homes was far from equal. However, pushing ego aside and keeping my son’s best interest at heart, I agreed that having a stable and consistent main dwelling would best help him maintain a “normal” lifestyle.

Wanting to be an important factor in his life nonetheless, I insisted on being kept abreast of any and all activity where he was concerned. The first few years were the roughest for me, but when he started school many opportunities arose to be a part of his life. Fortunately I had a job whose hours could be flexible when needed, and I was able to attend nearly every school event the school, even those held during the school day.

Then I was blessed to have him take to skating and join hockey at age six.

He continued playing until he was seventeen. During these eleven years, I attended over ninety percent of his practices and games. By my going and watching him, he could see that I was there, interested in him and his life.

I never crossed the line of getting too involved by challenging his coach’s decisions, even when I would have done it differently, so my son could learn for himself how to deal with consequences and setbacks. I was merely a witness. Most of the time I would be the only parent at practice. I didn’t want my son to feel pressured to have me attend, so when he was eleven, I asked if he minded having me there. He assured me it didn’t bother him at all. In fact, he told me he enjoyed seeing me there, as after practice we’d share a brief “hello”, pat on the back or thumbs-up.

My son is in his twenties now and getting ready to start his own family. We are as close as ever despite his moving out of state for work. We keep in touch by phone weekly and are friends on Facebook. He always visits when in town, and I make it a point to visit him yearly. I couldn’t be happier with our relationship today and look forward to the next chapter in our story.

Mick Kiaros is a wealthy spirit who is grateful for the richness of having his loved ones in his life and for all the natural beauty in the world.

Excerpted with permission from the Spring 2011 issue of Health & Happiness U.P. Magazine. Copyright 2011, Intuitive Learning Creation. All rights reserved.